CAESAR'S CIRCUIT

Hello Caesar, please I need your advice on this :

When I first met my girlfriend, we stayed together for like three months before I travelled to Lagos while she remained in Anambra state.

I love her more than words could describe, so, I put my all into the relationship just as she did same too. We talked so frequently over the phone that our distance never seemed as barrier. I have never cheated on her, but I discovered she had sex with her ex five months into our relationship. He was the one that broke her virginity.  This was the guy she told me broke up with her for no reason (he never gave any till date). Before we started, she told me clearly that it was over between the two of them, but she still went on to have sex with him, and hid it from me, even though I kept feeling about it for months. Our relationship was in its eleven months when I found out about it. I have to return to Anambra to see her. I couldn't concentrate on what I was doing in Lagos anymore. After series of please from her, I couldn't believe I forgave her and accepted her back. It's been like a month already, each time I remember it, I naturally start regretting why I forgave her, I find it very difficult to trust her, I pick quarrels where I shouldn't, and she's doing everything to show me how sorry she is. I am so confused and devastated now, please advise me Caesar.


MY RESPONSE:

your case is a very pathetic one, but let me tell you, stuffs like this happen every day, unnoticed. You already forgave her, that's a bold step many wouldn't take, it makes you a different specie.

Let's view it from her own side. He was the one that left her, she actually still wanted him back before she met you. He was the first guy to ever have sex with her before she met you, and you left for Lagos three months into your relationship, though still very serious with the relationship. Sex sometimes comes after accumulation of cloudy and stubborn feelings which refuse to go away until the victim gets laid. After that, some people start regretting and wishing they never had it. According to what you told me, the ex kept his distance after the sex, and she was very remorseful that she wished she could turn back time. Let's see her as a victim. A victim of her emotions. A victim of her ex. A victim of something she fought so hard to overcome, but got overcomed along the line.

I'm not justifying her action, but you already forgave her. I know you don't trust her, and I am not saying you should. Some will still do it again. Some will never dare it again because the first one was an eye opener for them, and they will become stronger like a rock. For you, you believe your woman will not do it again, that's why you forgave her. I want you to stick strongly to your reasons for forgiving her.

You can't trust her if you keep shutting the door to trust her. You can't trust her if you don't give her the opportunity to trust her. Stop picking unnecessary quarrels. Stop being afraid that she will repeat the same mistake she made before. Love is a risk! It's a risk to give a second chance, but it is a risk not to take risk. You are a strong man. Keep being strong.

(Send your love questions to anslemcaesar@gmail.com)