CAESAR'S CIRCUIT

Hello Caesar.

Please I need your take on this. Almost all my close friends are getting married. I.ve this lady that have been in my life for some years now, and I love her more than words can describe. She's the woman I would want to marry.

My problem is that I don't know if I'm ready for marriage. Please, what do you think?

MY RESPONSE:

I'll like to start by telling you that it is wrong to get married 'just' because your close friends are getting married. Don't let yourself to be coerced into marriage so you don't make wrong choices.

Now, you said you love her, why are you yet to be so sure or ready about marrying her when you're a kind of thinking you should marry her? Maybe it's because you're not 'actually' ready; or perhaps, you're ready but yet to know. Maybe she's so close to you that you don't see any threat to lose her, and don't think it necessary to make the move - maybe you're living together that you don't feel pressured to marry her - she's so available.

Talking about how ready you are; before talking of marrying someone you love, you should at least have a stable and reasonable source of income. You should be able to earn enough to take care of her, yourself, and maybe your kids to come.

Also, do you think you're ready to be called a daddy? The name daddy comes with a lot of responsibilities. Just love is not enough to keep a marriage. Marriage requires a lot of commitments, even when you don't want to offer them; how ready are you to be committed even when you don't want to?

Once you get married, some favorite aspects of your life may change, or better still, require small changes to suit your marital status; are you ready to change them? You may need to cut or reduce your social life, your spendings on your hobbies, your time, your friends, and some of your habits, to stay married, are you ready?

You also have to be mentally ready. You've to stop thinking like a boy and start thinking like a man. A man sees a lot but talks very less; faces a lot and endures a lot; stands firm when he should be running; tries to understand when he shouldn't consider understanding as an option; sacrifices a lot when he has nothing to sacrifice, and never stops thinking about tomorrow. Age doesn't always discern who a man is. Do you think you're man enough to be married?

Most importantly, do you think you can see her alone as a woman even when she's pregnant? Before you say you're fully ready for marriage, you should have mastered the act of self-discipline. You should be able to discipline your libido. Marrying her means it should be between 'you and her', and not between 'you, her, and other women'.

So, what do you think? If you think you're ready, go for it. Thanks for seeking our help.

If you need help on your love life, please write to us on 'anslemcaesar@gmail.com'.